You are Loved.

Dear Carman,

This is the fourth post I am adding to this blog. Last post I showed one of the layers of myself, a common one that most everyone knows about me. This is another change from the last post. I will warn it is darker but I want more people to be aware of this and try to help everyone they meet. Let us not tear people down, but help build them up.

untitled

 

As a young adult I am never sure of who I am or what I am doing. There are always questions to ask and lessons to be learned.  One of the events that was going on at campus was mental health awareness week. Mental health is highly important to everyone, especially young adults.  I want to tell you now as a reader that you are loved. You are an important person.

If you think that no-one would miss you, you are wrong. If you think that you are too fat, too thin, not good enough, or struggling through school. Go get help. There are so many people who are willing to help you out. Who are willing to take time out of their day and fix what you would think is “broken.”

I have had mental health issues; I know it is a struggle to get up in the mornings. I understand what you are thinking. The feeling of being broken and can’t pick yourself back up. An idea can be to take a whole day, and think about one small thing that you are grateful for, or you really care about. Add one thing every day to that list and soon you could find reasons to stay and be present in the world. Another thing is to buy something for yourself that would make you feel worthy. It can be anything from a water bottle to try to drink more water through the day or an art kit and try painting, even buy a video game to chill out and look forward to something to play after activities for the day.

Someone will always care about you, even if you don’t think anyone does. We all need to love each other instead of judging and try to tear others down.

 

If you are having suicidal thoughts, contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline. If you don’t feel comfortable to call they have an online chat available 24/7.

 

Love you all,

XOXO

 

The Disney Side!

Dear Carman,

So after reading the first two blogs you are probably wondering who the person of the blog is and who Carman is. Well this isn’t the post you have been waiting for, this one is more relaxed than the others I have posted though. It all starts with a small town girl trying to make it through college. When I am not in school and need a vacation, my family goes to a magical place to get away from the day to day grind.

A big part of my life is my family as I have mentioned before but also what we do as a family activity, and that means going to Disneyland. Within the last 10 years I have gone at least once every year, sometimes even twice. Going to Disneyland is a huge family activity and we love it. We enjoy the sunshine and being able to relax and not worry about the outside world for a few days. Now that I am 21 it is even more enjoyable to hang out with my parents by drinking and people watching. One of the best trips we have had was our two week trip celebrating my high school graduation and my birthday. This was one of the best trips because we were able to do something so rare and coveted at Disneyland, we got to go to Club 33! It was one of the best times of my life!

img_2520This is the original Club 33 logo. It was re-designed during the club remodel in 2014.

Another trip that was very memorable to me would be taking my boyfriend for his very first time. This was our first adult trip, meaning no parents and going to a different state, so plenty can go wrong. It was one of the best vacations and we have gone a total of three times now and plan to do more in the future.

The last one would be after I completed my first half marathon with my mom.  Before this race I hated running and thought it was for the crazies out there but I have turned into one of them and now own almost all types of running gear. Yes, you will see me running down the street with the water pack on me during the summer even when it is crazy hot out. I have now completed a challenge weekend which is running 19.3 miles within two days and ran a total of almost 350 miles just last year! My goal for 2017 is to get to 450 miles.

Disney has been a getaway for my family and with the new adventures coming to the parks we are so excited for everything that will be offered! Hope to see you there soon!

Thank you for reading!

XOXO

Here are a few extra photos from Disney trips!

Left to Right: My person and I with Dug (Up), my mom and I after my first half marathon, and Rapunzel and I taking photos together. She’s my favorite princess.

Forgiveness is Needed

Dear Carman,

 “One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.”  –Brigette Nicole

 Forgiveness has been on my mind lately, I continue to think about it daily. I believe this is because I want a fresh start. I am finally in a different town where no one knows who I really am and can change from within.  Through the last few months of school, my classes have pushed my education and the ways I think. The melting pot of school and all of the minds that are the far reaches of all over the state, even the country. There are so many people, who share similar ideals and those who are diverse, and we come together and share our thoughts in safe environments and it is refreshing. Being in a small community, the same thoughts are all that are said.

 Having said that, all of us have things we have said or done to others. We have burned friends or done something selfish for ourselves. The quote that I started with spoke to me because having the guts to find someone you have hurt and asking them for forgiveness is important for us to learn and continue to grow as humans. My grandma always told me that as humans, we always need to learn and grow and by keeping hate in your heart you can never be your best you. I believe that sometimes we need to take a step out of our lives and look at it to realize if we are doing good or doing bad. Love and kindness is the way we can live happily, and carrying around hate won’t do us any good.

Carrying hate and anger continues to inflict pain on yourself and buries deeper and deeper into your chest and makes you lash out at the people that you love. I believe that we can change this because we can swallow our pride and apologize to the people we have hurt. Life is messy and there are people we don’t like but we need to look at them and realize that they are people too. They are people with families and loved ones and trying to live and get by same as you. The more we accept people and forgive them and their actions we can move on with our lives and not hold grudges.

 To the people who I have possibly hurt or who I struggled to agree with because we had other opinions, I am sorry. I am just a human, same as you and continually tripping through life but I learn every time I trip. College continues to change me and my perspectives in life and forgiving myself and others, as well as accepting their views and who they are as a person.

 

What am I doing this week?

 Watching: FreshBakedDisney!

freshbaked

Reading: Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

Listening:  http://www.stuffyoushouldknow.com/podcasts

Thank you all for reading!

XOXO

Family is everything

Dear Carman,

It has been about four and a half months since I moved out of my childhood home and into the real world. Growing up is hard but leaving your family behind is harder, and leaving behind a tight-knit family that constantly supports you in all of your endeavors is so tough. Growing up with family like that, the values you are taught are almost drilled into you because that’s all you view from childhood. Since the start of winter quarter I have had to question those values I was taught while growing up.

 I am beginning to form my own opinions and my own values, which goes against what my family might believe. Within the last few months the values have really been called into question with the latest election and inauguration of our new president. My parent’s values are not wrong nor are they negative; I just don’t believe what they believe anymore.

In one of my recent classes, my professor asked of how I was raised in more of a ‘tough love’ family of how I view certain things and how not to sugar-coat information. I was very blunt in the class and said that I was taught to tell the truth and not skirt around the edges, and I would people to be honest with me the same way I am honest with them. Being raised in a TL family, it is harden me to certain degree but for the good. I want to know that I can protect myself and my emotions because if someone tells me something negative I can take it.

I sit here looking at a group family photo that involves everyone, my aunts and uncles, all of my wonderful grandparents and also my parents and brother. You learn that whatever your parents taught you was only to survive out in the real world. The real world is tough and crappy, but we all need to put up with it. Working to pay the bills and hoping to stay ahead enough to buy the groceries for the next week. But there are times to pause and realize how great the little things are, the special things that your parents provided for you and never had to worry about. I continually thank my family in my head everyday for their constant support and love that they send to me from home. Family is family though, and no matter what I will always love them and respect all views and values that they teach me.

Throughout this blog I want to mark things that I am doing with my life at the time I write the post so I can look back and see how I have grown from the start of this. So there are three things I want to keep up on what I am doing at that time. This is also great so even as a reader you can try something new!

What I am watching: Re-watching the Ranch on Netflix

What I am reading: Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard

What I am listening to: EarzUp! – a Disney podcast

Thank you all for reading!

XOXO

This is my wonderful and loving family!

my-family